


I'm not fine at all

by My_Evak_Heart



Series: Incantava [2]
Category: SKAM (Italy)
Genre: F/M, Past Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 20:54:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18506911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Evak_Heart/pseuds/My_Evak_Heart
Summary: Eleonora suffers from PTSD following a traumatic event with Edoardo's brother





	I'm not fine at all

Ever since Eleonora told him about what had happened with Andrea, Edoardo had been more protective of her. He wasn't playing the overprotective boyfriend who was always breathing down their girlfriend's neck, no. He gave her space and let her live her life but, whenever they were at parties, from time to time, Edo would keep an eye on her from afar, even if only to sooth his conscious. He made small changes to his behaviour regarding Eleonora. He would gently hold her waist instead of her hand or he would try to call instead or texting her to check up on her. It was small changes but they made all the difference for him.

There was a part of him that was terrified that what happened to Ele would happen again and, he knew that it was all partially his fault. It happened right under his nose, in his fucking house, he just couldn't forgive himself knowing that he could've somehow prevented it.

''Edo?'' Fede pulled him out of his thoughts, handing him a beer but Edoardo shook his head, declining the drink. ''Come on, man! You barely drank tonight.''

''Who's gonna drive your drunk ass home if I get shit-faced, uh?'' Edo retorted, making a point.

Keeping his drinking low didn't mean he wasn't allowed to have fun with his friends. Edoardo followed Fede to the dancefloor and, as they shared dumb moves and laughed, he caught his girlfriend with the corner of his eye and smiled. Eleonora smiled back from where she was dancing with Eva and Silvia, silently wishing she was dancing with him.

Although Silvia knew about Eleonora and Edoardo, Ele didn't want to rub their relationship in her friend's face so, she had decided to keep her distances with her lover whenever Silvia was around. Silvia hadn't said it but, a part of the brunette knew Silvia was still into the Villa boy, she could feel the envy in her eyes whenever she'd look at them.

Edo couldn't take his eyes off Eleonora. She looked so beautiful tonight, her dark hair pulled int a half up bun, pieces falling and framing her face nicely and that damn shirt he loved so much on her. Edoardo bit his lip; he wanted to go up to her and kiss her so bad. Honestly, she could be covered from head to toe that she'd still be the sexiest person in EDM in his eyes. If Federico were to hear him, he'd make fun of Edo without a doubt.

According to Fede, his best friend had gotten a lot softer since he got into a relationship with Eleonora Sava. It was the first time Federico witnessed Edo being faithful to someone and, he won't lie, it felt weird. As the 'chief' of the Villa boys, Edoardo always had a ladies' man reputation but, now, he only has eyes for one.

As they were dancing, a blonde girl slid between him and Fede,  moving her slim body between them, her butt brushing with Edoardo's leg but, Edo stepped away, leaving her to Federico, having no intentions of responding to her advances. He glanced around, trying to find the girl he was looking for, missing his girl, but didn't see her. He found Silvia and Eva, both dancing with a drink in hand, but Eleonora wasn't with them anymore.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Edoardo made his way through the bar, searching for his girlfriend. He caught Sana and Federica at the bar, the latter chatting up the barman but still no Eleonora. She must've gone to the bathroom or something. Still, he got to Eva and asked for Eleonora.

Eva looked around and shrugged. ''I don't know. She was with Marti and Nico a minute ago,'' she replied, pointing at the two boys laughing right under the strobe lights.

.

Walking through the bar, Eleonora felt her throat closing and heart beating faster and faster, as if it was going to jump out of her chest. Waves of warmth washed through her, feeling really hot and dizzy all of a sudden. Eleonora grabbed the closest wall, trying to balance herself. She looked around, wanting to find a place where she could isolate herself from the crowd. Eventually she reached a familiar area and found herself in the backroom where she saw Silvia and Eva drunk kissing a few weeks ago...the same night she told Edoardo she didn't have any feelings for him - which was a big fat lie.

With difficulty, she reached the french doors and let her back slid down against it until she sat on the ground. It was most likely less than clean but, at this point, Eleonora didn't care. Knees pulled to her chest, she tried to breathe through the pain in her chest, air failing to get through her lungs.

It wasn't her first time going through an anxiety attack. Before she moved to Rome, she had always gone through them on her own, she would always deal with them without telling anyone. It was a part of her that she preferred to hide since she didn't like showing a weaker side of her. Through the years, her anxiety attacks slowed down, finding ways to cope and knowing when to remove herself from a triggering situation but, after some recent events, she wasn't wasn't surprised it all came back.

It wasn't her first time going through an anxiety attack. Before she moved to Rome, she had always gone through them on her own, she would always deal with them without telling anyone - or  _why_  she had them. It was a part of her that she preferred to hide since she didn't like showing a weaker side of herself.

Eleonora put her head on her knees and took deep breaths, she just needed to focus on her breathing so that she could get her heart rate to slow down.

Her phone started to vibrate in her pocket, making her jump. She took a deep breath, taking it out of her pocket to answer it but her hands were too shaky and it slipped on the floor. Through her teary and blurry eyes, she caught Edoardo's name on the screen.

'' _Edo_...''

She reached her arm, trying to press the green button but it continued buzzing on the ground, unanswered.

On his side, Edoardo was looking around EDM frantically, trying to find his Eleonora. He had asked her friends but no one had seen her around since a couple minutes. He searched each room carefully as he called her. Why wouldn't she be answering her phone? A million thoughts swirled in Edo's mind,  _anything_  could have happened to her...just like she could have been in the bathroom, peeing. Finally, he reached the room where they had their big argument, he almost wanted to not check, remembering the awful memory but walked in anyways. He saw a couple people making out, some having hands where there shouldn't be in a public place but, something else caught Edoardo's eyes.

Ending the call on his phone, Edoardo rushed to Eleonora's side and crouched in front of her. Carefully, he put a hand on her knee, feeling it tremble under his palm. ''Ele,'' he said in a soothing, calm voice.

Eleonora looked up at him with teary red eyes. She _hated_  to be seen like this: _weak_. Especially in front of Edoardo. She didn't want him to see her as a crybaby or something else than the strong headed young woman she was.

''I-I...'' She wanted to speak up but she couldn't find the right words nor the strength to talk.

Shaking his head, the curly haired boy pulled her against him. He had no idea what caused this anxiety attack but, she needed him right now. ''Shh, I'm here. You're okay. I'm  _here_.''

She laid her head on his chest as he held her close, whispering soothing words to her until Ele's breathing had stopped being so rapid and her body had stopped shaking.

In most cases, holding the person during an anxiety attack isn't the way to go. For Eleonora, it was different. Her anxiety attack was triggered by a stranger's unwanted touch and only Edoardo's familiar scent and touch could bring her back to safety.

After a few minutes, he felt her relax in his hold. Edoardo gently tilted her chin up but Eleonora avoided his gaze so he wouldn't see her cry and change his opinion of her. To him, she was the strongest person he knew and  _nothing_  could ever change that, not even a few tears.

He wiped her tears with his thumb, facial features soft yet anxiously worried. Edoardo didn't want to pressure Eleonora into telling him what triggered her anxiety attack but, by the look in her eyes, he had a feeling that her it had been caused by PTSD from his brother's sexual assault.

Was his brother at EDM? That thought alone made him sick. He wouldn't dare showing his face here, would he?

''I'm sorry... I-'' She sighed, frustrated[not the right word] with herself for ruining the night. ''I overreacted. It's just, this guy was dancing close to me and he came a bit too close and- I'm  _not_  fine. I know I said I was fine but I'm not.''

Edoardo gently caressed her cheek. ''You don't have to hide your feelings with me or put up a front. It's  _okay_  not to be okay.''

She sniffled and nodded, blinking away her remaining tears. Edo kissed her forehead, silently telling her that he was  _there_.

''Let's get you out of here.''

''Okay.'' 

.

The missing pair of shoe in the entry told Eleonora that Filippo had left for the night, which was a relief. Don't get her wrong, she loved her brother but, Filippo was very protective with her and she didn't want him to worry about her more than needed. She was a big girl and, she had Edoardo now.

She changed into comfier clothes, switching her party attire for a soft shirt and shorts. Bare faced, she joined Edoardo who was patiently waiting for her in her room, typing on his phone.

''Feeling better?'' he asked, tucking his phone away in his pocket, giving Eleonora all his attention.

She sat on the bed and shrugged, keeping her eyes down. ''Edoardo,'' she started, biting down her bottom lip nervously. ''There's something I haven't told you...about Andrea.''

The older boy's ears perked up, jaw clenching at the mention of his brother. What Ele was about to say was going to break his heart but, he deserved to know.

Edoardo moved closer to her on the bed, sensing the anxiety and uneasiness in her voice and behavior. ''What about?'' he asked, sounding a bit tense. Although he wasn't the victim, hearing about _it_  brought out his anger, both toward his brother and himself.

''Andrea, he-'' Her voice faltered and she closed her eyes, struggling and trying to see clear through her memories. ''I  _remember_ , Edo. I know I said that I blacked out on Friday but I...it's still a bit vague but I remember.''

Eleonora took a deep breath, trying not to cry. She didn't know how nor why the horrible memories started flashing through her mind but, they were there and felt too real to be a part of her imagination.

''I went to your house to talk to you but, you weren't there and...you know that part. After I had a glass of wine, I started feeling tired and not well. The room was spinning and I thought I was going to faint. I told Andrea I would wait in your room but, he said I couldn't go there because it was locked so he helped me to the guest room.''

Her breath hitched, about to reveal her deepest secret she's been holding in. 

Edo listened to her attentively, knowing but still apprehending the tough part that was coming. He almost didn't want it to be true. Not because Andrea was his brother and he wanted him to be proven as a good person but, because knowing that his  _blood brother_  sexually assaulted his girlfriend, the one he promised to  _never_  cause any pain to, made him sick to his stomach, and he didn't want someone as good and kind hearted as Eleonora to go through this. 

''I can see him over me, I- It's still foggy but, I recognize his face. I remember his hands on me, I remember-''

Eleonora's breath quickened and Edoardo stiffened, trying to hold his anger because, although he was fucking furious at his brother, getting angry had no purpose right now. His brother was gone, far away from them and couldn't hurt Eleonora anymore. Edoardo doubted Andrea would ever dare making a come back at his house.

 Edoardo took a deep breath, pushing the anger aside. He didn’t know what to do at the moment and Ele already told him she didn't want to press charges because there was no proofs of the sexual assault, she wasn't even sure that it happened but, now that she remembered, maybe she changed her mind.

So, he asked her again, his voice soft as he gently rubbed her back in a comforting and supportive way. ''Ele, this changes  _everything_. Not to me but to the  _law_. We can press charges now...if you want. I'm not going to force you. This is [your] choice. If you think it’s too much, we can move forward but, know that whatever you want to do, I’m with you.''

The brunette shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head. She hadn’t thought this far in and she just couldn’t bear the thought of going through all the legal trouble. She'd have to tell her story over and over again to the police and a lawyer and a judge and, what if all this didn't end in her favor?

''He's your brother, I don't want to cause trouble to your family...''

''Don't say that,'' Edo hissed. ''He lost that title when he put his hands on you.''

Eleonora bit down her lip, feeling guilty for making Edoardo feel like he almost had to choose between his girlfriend and his family.

He sighed, realizing that he shouldn’t have said it in that way. ''Sorry. What I mean is, family or not, what he did was wrong and fucked up. If you chose to press charges, I'm not going to be mad at you. Andrea put himself in this situation and deserves to pay for what he did to you.'' Edo paused, tilting Eleonora's face so she was looking at him in the eyes as he said his next words, wanting her to know that he means everything he's saying. ''You're the most important person in my life, Eleonora Francesca Sava. I will  _always_  be on your side, so no matter what you choose, nothing will change between us.'' 

 


End file.
